I think it’s probably safe to say that we’ve all had an occasional pity party for ourselves.  I’ve definitely had one a time or two and pulled out all of the stops doing it – moped around and shed a few tears feeling sorry for myself.  It is a very natural reaction to life’s challenges. But left unchecked, self-pity can become a dangerous form of idolatry. 

As John Piper wrote in Desiring God, “Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak.”  Although natural in the short-term, when self-pity leads us to adopt a victim mentality long-term, it becomes very unhealthy. In my own circle of friends and family, I’ve seen it destroy lives for weeks, months and sometimes years. What a tragedy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.

Psalm 28:7

A victim mentality generally arises as a slow hardening of the heart from a particular place of hurt or struggle.  A traumatic challenge occurs and instead of learning how to process the situation in a healthy way, victim mentality takes root.  It is an emotional and spiritual shutting down of sorts that produces a righteous indignation toward others. Victim mentality is dangerous and deceitful.  It smothers out any room for hope and joy.  

The Bible has a lot to say about victim mentality.  One of my favorite examples is the invalid man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5.  In this passage, Jesus has arrived back to Jerusalem for the Passover and passes by the sheep gate. “Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids – blind, lame, and paralyzed.  One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be healed?’ The sick man answered him, ‘Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps before me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Get up, take your bed, and walk.’ And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked” (John 5: 2-9).

Interestingly, when the lame man is asked if he’d like to be healed, instead of a resounding “yes,” he responds by setting forth his reasons for why he cannot get to the pool.  Jesus’ response is telling – to “pick up his mat and walk.”  He bids him to do his part in finding healing.  It is a call to action. Authentic joy requires a shift in our thinking from selfishly inward to humbly outward.  We are to walk forward-facing with a focus on Jesus.  

As Christians, there is no room for victim mentality.  The idolatry of self is a sin and only YOU can close that door.  It requires a daily choice to approach each day with an attitude of gratitude. The promises of God are for “whosoever will.” (Rev. 22:17).  We may not each be born into the same circumstances, but we all have the same opportunities in Christ.  This is the essence of our faith as Christians. 

If you are anything like me, your tolerance has grown small for those that espouse a victim mentality.  The next time you are invited to a pity party for yourself or someone else, kindly RSVP “no thanks.” Instead, I would encourage you to flip the script.  Look at the world around you and find the good in every day!